The doofus rube without a clue (that'd be me) shuffled up to the stage yesterday for a public display of wretched orchestral conducting in front of 4,000 people.
It may have been the most fun I've had while humiliating myself in years. I've done some odd things in my career at The Herald — flown with the Blue Angels and the Canadian Snowbirds, interviewed royalty, sat through a Papal Mass — but this one takes the cake: I was a guest conductor for the Monterey Bay Symphony at its Memorial Day Concert at the Naval Postgraduate School.
It got off to a bad start; someone had stolen my conductor's baton. But I was able to improvise with a pair of chopsticks I happened to have with me.
Fortunately, the orchestra and the folks at the symphony were gracious and indulgent. They were, in fact, very sweet about my public embarrassment.
Many thanks to the symphony, to Ron and to the musicians. And I apologize to music fans, to the Arts Council and to the Naval Postgraduate School for klutzing my way through "Stars and Stripes Forever."
To witness the carnage yourself, see the video produced by Peri Basseri and BigTime Productions at www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRG1HRIX35A
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009
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Joe, you have a future...in the newspaper business.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to waste a lot of space -- or blow my own horn -- about my train wreck of an appearance on Monday, but the reviews are pouring in. Here's one of my favorites:
ReplyDeleteDear Joe - my wife and I enjoyed your performance yesterday! It inspired me to write the attached poem - but all kidding aside, thank you for putting a smile on many faces during a time when we all can use such touches in our lives.
BUT, MOM, THE CONDUCTOR WAS WEARING TENNIS SHOES
Resplendent in his brand new tux
The conductor took a bow
Then turned to face the orchestra
About to show them how
To play a flawless Sousa march
But suddenly he halted -
He turned back to the audience
And, with all protocol assaulted,
He looked out very quizzically
And said, as in a trance
"I cannot lead this symphony
As my baton's not in my pants"
He opened up a backpack
Pulling scarves that looked quite loud
And he even pulled two Frisbees out
And tossed them to the crowd
At last, he found two chopsticks
Which might help in time of want
(I'd almost bet that they were purloined
From a Chinese restaurant)
With some duct tape wrapped around them
He created a baton
But he still was not quite finished
So a clown's hat he put on
Looking like a weird musician
With a mustache, white as snow
He turned back to the orchestra
And whispered "Here we go!"
While he stood in front and waved his arms
The orchestra did play
"The Stars and Stripes Forever"
In a most heart-pounding way
I guess I'd give him a B plus
As he had no fear about him
But from what I saw and what I heard
The orchestra played without him
There's just one comment that I have -
It refers to his apparel:
"Clown hat, new tux, and tennis shoes" ---
It was worthy of Wil Farrell
A young man in the audience
Turned to his mom and cried
"Mom, that guy is wearing tennis shoes,
Does he not have any pride??"
His Mom just gently stroked him
And told him, "Honey, don't you fret -
He's just a newspaper editor
And hasn't grown up yet"
Keep up the good work, Joe.
Regards,
Bill Hood
It's all about you Joe.
ReplyDeleteYou bet. It's sad to be bitter.
ReplyDeleteGreat editorial in the Pine Cone today!
ReplyDeleteI quote "The pressure of working for a dying, exploited newspaper must be getting to the Herald’s editors, who presumably still care about the community where they live."
There you go Joe, you now know the identity of one of your critics... let's see if you come out swinging or if you crawl back under your rock...
That's right, dumbass. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I admire Paul Miller because when he voices an opinion everyone knows who he is. I'm fair game for him, he's fair game for me and we know who we're dealing with. That's the way gentlemen operate. Cowards wouldn't know that.
ReplyDeletePaul and I exchanged pleasant email yesterday afternoon.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAre you guys still bitter about the Biasotti thing? I think it's time to maybe see some counseling or something.
ReplyDeleteAre you also writing to KSBW and nearly ALL of the other local news outlets for reporting this story??
I think Jim Vanderswaan once got a speeding ticket or something....i guess KSBW shouldn't be reporting the story either.
Got off the web and go see a shrink before you go postal about a non-issue.